a change would do you good.

where to start?

i'm stuck.

i'm in that free falling state where I have no idea what is next.

a lot has changed in the last month or so.

God has been speaking to me for a while, and finally i am beginning to listen.

unfortunately, the next few posts will probably be debbie downerish, until i can get some more things sorted out.

i think it all really got started when Preacher Aaron talked about our one 'holy must.'

as in, what is the one thing that God keeps pointing you back to, the one thing you must do in your life that means something.

missions.

over and over again, missions.

this is weird/crazy.

i've never been interested in missions.

especially longterm.

i've gone on a few trips here and there.

no more than a week and a half at a time.

that stuff is for people like my sister.

not me.

besides, the whole world is a mission field, so i'm already there.

i began to think financially.

i'm strapped as it is, there is no way, i can afford that.

i gotta get stuff paid off.

i'm living on my own.

barely surviving some months.

then i begin thinking more...

how did i get to this place?

a place of buying things to make me happy.

to fulfill empty places in me.

a place of debt.

that's not me.

and i certainly don't think God has called me to that life.

I've made some drastic changes.

I moved back in with my parentals @ the age of 27.

I'm pinching pennies to get out of debt.

I'm living on a budget for the first time in my life.

I'm hanging out with my parents a lot more.

With God as my motivator, I'm making changes in order to serve Him better.

Most of the people around don't get it.

Why would I move back in with my parents if i'm able to afford living on my own.

Why give up possessions that I worked so hard for.

Of course they wouldn't get it.

I didn't at first either.

b/c my thinking was of this world.

And that is what got me in this rut to begin with.

worrying about what others think.

consumed by impressing others and living for myself.

not living for eternity,

but rather living for the weekend.

what a scary place to be.

i gotta get away from that.

and fast.

so that is where you find me today.

trying my best to step out on faith

and see what God has in store for me.

my ten year plan?

working alongside friends and family in the mission field.

i'm not really sure what that looks like for me,

but i know i want to be completely open for what God has in store for me.

i think it is funny that God would speak to me about this

b/c i am a mess

and there is a lot of work that needs to be done.

i guess that is the beauty of it all.

i'm really appreciative for the encouragement i have already received along the way.

and for the friends that are in a similar boat.

and so my journey begins...

again.

a change will definitely do me good.

a typical sunday night...

Spanish church
a man from Egypt giving his testimony at the Spanish church
that same man singing an Arabic song
a member of the Spanish congregation proposing to his girlfriend (she said yes!)

concert prayer in at least 4 languages that included (but not limited to)
-english
-spanish
-arabic
-spanglish

long talks in the shoneys parking lot
sitting Indian style in the same parking lot praying with a friend.

realizing that I have more in common with this friend that has been in the Dominican Republic for 2 year than I do with pretty much anyone I encounter on a regular basis.

God is good!

it's not good-bye, it's i'll see you later.

my last 2 days have been spent saying 'i'll see you later' to my sweet friend

lora.

oh how i miss her and she has been gone roughly 6 hours.

but i miss that i will most likely not see her for a good 2 years.

i will miss that i can't text here throughout the day.

i miss that i will not be able to call her whenever i want to tell her a funny story or reminisce about a good time we shared.

i'll miss not having coffee and heart to hearts with her.

i don't think i have ever really had to say so long to a friend.

and not just any friend.

a great friend.

a best friend.

a friend i would take a bullet for.

yep, it just got real serious.

and i love her

a lot.

no naturally, a good send off would be incomplete w/o a few things.

swiping some good free-bies while lora was packing.

and yes this eyepatch is including in the 'good' stuff.

a trip to wal-mart roughly around midnight.

lots of people watching happens there at that hour.

i love it!!

and an abnormally lengthy discussion (and then writing out) of how we could make our names more thuggish and with a longer spelling.

completed on the chalkboard.

with multiple poses throughout.

not really sure if this is what people do before they move out of he country, but that's how we roll.

i'm just not sure why i was blessed to have the experience of a friendship like mine and lora's.

i hope everyone can experience a lora in their lifetime.

it'll change your world!

back by popular demand

and by popular demand, i mean the demand of my 2 followers

LB

and cousin!

more to follow....

so you're sayin there's a chance???

i am a pretty paranoid person.

at least my friends think so.

i like to think that this is not one of the qualities you notice upon first meeting me.

i think really weird things.

a few examples...

i live in an apartment by myself.

granted, my landlord lisa is approx. 10 steps away, for we are only separated by a deck

nonetheless, technically by myself.

in addition to that, i don't talk to any one person every single day.

if i don't talk to my parents for 3 days, it's not a big deal.

i don't have one friend or one sibling or one AA member that i talk to on a daily basis.

so naturally, i am afraid i am going to die in my apartment and no one will find my body for a few days.

weird. i guess. at least that is what people tell me when i tell them my fear.

another example...

when the landlord and i went to DC and then to NY, i made a lot of comments like:

"isn't this the airline that crashed into the world trade centers?"

"isn't this the type of bus that was hi-jacked in the movie speed?"

"is this the same subway they bombed in that movie?"

the landlord told me to give it a rest.

yet another example (i'll give lisa this one)

i called her @ work one day and was like,

'lisa, did you know that a couple got murdered in our neighborhood???'

she was oblivious and said no, she hadn't heard that.

well it had happened 30 years ago...

but still, i thought it was a little unnerving, even after so much time having passed.

so, all of that to say that i had a small victory in my paranoia.

i was over @ lisa's a few weeks ago and i was complaining that the screen on my cell phone was broken and i wasn't able to set the alarm.

Lisa response, no big deal, set your clock radio.

I thought, yeah I could, except what if the power goes out? I hate to rely on my clock radio for that very reason.

Lisa said, 'hannah the chances of that happening are like 1 in a million. and if it does i'll give you a personal wakeup call.'

who got a phone call @ 6:30 to tha AM???

yep, you guessed, THIS GUY!

one small step for hannah...

one giant leap for the paranoid kind...

speaking as a former baby...

Which one of these is not like the others?

you guessed it.

front man michael tait.

he is a great singer, don't get me wrong...

but he belongs with dc Talk in 1992.

I know this is so 2009, and he has been with newsboys for a while now, 

but i had no idea until last night at winter jam.

and might i add that none of the other girls i was with knew either.

so i googled it.

i think it is funny that google is now a verb.

i wonder if that is in the dictionary?

anyway, peter furler was the front man, until it was ruining his marriage

so he decided to take a back seat to the group, still helping them write songs and the such, just not as involved as he was

i thought that was pretty admirable.

still want him back though.

'He Reigns' is just not the same when Mikey sings it.

Peter, I do appreciate you doing things for your marriage that most men don't, for even lesser than you did.

hmmm....

there was a new artist there as well, robert pierre

he has a good voice

and he is real cute

i was looking him up on itunes

and saw his album cover and then a little boy on the next album cover who looked a lot like billy gillman

and thought how funny...2 roberts both pulling up on itunes

except it was not 2 separate, but indeed one in the same.

robert is 16

and just 3 years ago in 2006-when i graduated college, 

he was a mere 13.

nice/weird

he came a long ways in those 3 years.

still kinda felt the FBI or something was listening to my thoughts...

tenth avenue north rocked my world!!

and guess what...

chris tomlin comes this summer!

i feel like chris and i could be good friends if we met.

we would play rock band, and break our teeth on sugar babies

and just have a good time.

thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great.

if you were a child in the 80s, surely you know what is pictured above.

if you do not, may i enlighten you.

they are dolls formally known as 'the quints'

i loved them

five dolls, all in one package.

3 girls

2 boys

perfection.

there was a lot of work that went into caring for these little guys.

i got a set for christmas.

we spent most of our christmases in florida with my grandparents.

they were wonderful people

and they loved us a lot.

so one of those memorable christmas mornings, i received them, and quickly went to caring for them

5 babies = no time to waste.

i had to set all 5 in their highchairs

fasten 5 bibs around 5 little necks

set up 5 sippy cups

with 5 plates

and 5 spoons

and 5 forks...

you get the point.

much to my surprise, my dear old dad wanted to look at what was occupying so much of my time.

dad wasn't really into seeing my latest doll, so i was excited to share my good fortune

i carefully carried the 5 joined highchairs with all the babies and such, across the room to him.

when i handed them over, he looked @ them for a minute, maybe two

he then threw the quints across the livingroom floor and yelled

'FLYING QUINTS'

yep he made them fly

and so my carefully placed table settings for the quints, bibs, babies, and all went spraying across the livingroom floor.

i cried for hours trying to find all the pieces that went flying.

love you daddy-o!!